closure.
no, you don't have a say in the matter / this way we'll emerge only slightly battered / you were right about one thing- there's no need to say it / the goodbye is implied. i won't try to erase it. / part of me is yours, and a part of you mine / we can let go and topple down from cloud nine / knowing it'll be true til the day that we die / that this moment, soon our past, is forever intertwined. / i won't say i'll miss you, because that would mean you're gone / we'll still be together as long as i play this song.
goodbye. this time, for real and for good... we don't have any reason to be sorry :)
November 22
pour la dernière fois
Clearly, none of this is clear / it’s easy to forget as long as you aren’t near / false hope will be the downfall of us all / can we finally be sure that this one will be the last call? / goodbye is kind of difficult for you I know / you think there’ll perpetually be a new hello. / we’ll never be ready at this rate but let’s keep it concise /count to three, set me free, and hurry back to paradise.
we should probably make up our minds. goodbye?
November 9
The Lack Thereof
waste not, want not, that’s what they’re saying / the years fading, I’m dizzy and swaying / burdened with the weight of time, resources, youth / it feels like I’m wasting it all on a drowsy sweet tooth. / my soul trudges on past my apathetic ambitions, or lack thereof / leaden and idle till the day push comes to shove.
October 30
Frozen Daisies.
it's building and building, but up to what? in the movies, these families are time bombs.
please get better.
the gray colours outdoors hold back my soul
October 27
I am just an embellished reflection / slowly the lies are eroding within / still I’m scared that you’ll see into my heart / What does my love mean when my soul is a fraud? / And what worth has caring if my care is a façade?
i've been thinking for twenty days. honestly, if this mask has any effect, wouldn't its purpose counter effect its goal?
October 7
Our faces are warm as we gaze up and up into / the deep, infinite, unfathomable blue. / When I close my eyes I can float light as air / ascending forever under the sunlight's glare / more distant than the birds, higher than my fears, farther than the past... closer to the heart that I let go.
We laid there talking for an hour with our bodies in the grass and our hearts in the sky. Beautiful moments like these are perfect spent with friends like you.
We laid there talking for an hour with our bodies in the grass and our hearts in the sky. Beautiful moments like these are perfect spent with friends like you.
October 1
Seeing your smiling face for the last time has doubled me over/ set me to sea, tossing in the foam of memories I’ve acquired / I know that this is not the last time / but it’s the finality of knowing you’ll never be mine / I always thought this feeling would bring only pain / so will this wary relief in my heart ever wane? / you broke me to pieces too long ago / so now that I’ve recovered I’m ready to let go. / seeing your smiling face for the last time has doubled me over / set me to sea, tossing in the foam of memories we’ve acquired / til far so far away I’ll wash ashore / a better person than I was before.
I saw you again, and I finally don't care.
September 25
you promise things will still be ok / but i can see the worry in your eyes / do you realize how forced your smile is? / as you reap havoc on my fragile sense of pride / so what do you say to news like this / what I never even considered you’ve allowed / my reality has shattered into mist / and I don’t know what’ll become of me now.
today my dad was laid off. i never thought that could happen to us.
i'm so scared.
i'm so scared.
August
Lyrics from August
Redefine (this is a poem, not a song...)
I’ll just abandon my principles / You leave me vulnerable but invincible / so why do I feel that your smile is to kill?
You give new meaning to the words I write
The Songs I play, my dreams at night
With
wait
despair
hope
Love
my words, my life, you redefine
Myself
Its always I little harder when youre the one waving goodbye / when youre the one who doesn’t get to cry / killer, victim- what about in between / in this black and white world, the gray is an open seam / so what if all I am is gray, no white or black in the light of day / in the shadows ill be content, till the sun exposes my less than white tint / so go ahead, try to fit me in your labeled boxes / stuff me into your miscellaneous forgottens
you are the sparkle in my eyes, and when it rains you're my one sunshine / you're the only one who makes me feel this way / like I could take on the world, as long as you're here to stay / so here I am smiling like a fool / I love you so, let's forget the rules
a thousand songs, a million words at best / to describe this feeling in my chest / if we could just be still for a moment, and figure out what we feel / cause now my racing heartbeat seems a bit surreal / the days of silent uncertainty are worth it for these golden minutes / when I think there might be something in this / we can make this work if you say / I love you the same way. / what would you think of you heard this song? / I think that you've known it all along / so let's not think, we can forget our past / right now is what I want to last. / just kick of your shoes and sway in time / to the beat of the music and our hearts entwined / this is what I live for, do you agree? / this could be everything, you'll see / how do you do this to me?
the sweetness of this dream / is enough to make it sting / I can't bear these images in my head / steel myself against love, heart of led.
you see my try to hold back my smile / you know how much I wish this would last a while.
here i am, summer seems miles away / scorching a trail through our lives, fast as it can / faster and faster, speeding up till today / ill lay down in the sun and find ice were there was sand.
Seeing you no longer holds the same weight/ the flutters once inside are now like claws as they scrape / My heart, which I know must be wrong / ‘cause all you’ve left me are tears and a song.
July
Lyrics from July
Would you just turn off your phone / cause this is all we’ve ever known / you can just, let, go / Oh you can bet, that I love these lazy days / we don’t have to think, we’ll just lay in the waves / I can’t remember when I last had a care / my world is made of the sand and the wind in our hair / so let’s just forget, and count the ways / that we love these lazy days
You, you make my every step falter / and you, you are the reason I’m not her / I’ll never be , what she was to you / but still you act like there’s something to prove / and I can’t figure this out. / theres just too many doubts / so as much as I care, and I melt under your stare, in love not everything is fair / Don’t worry, we’re already lost / Cause you’re a rolling stone and I’m just moss.
you took my simple words and you made them hurt, you never knew / you dried the tears in my eyes, but how could you know you caused them too? / how could you say, this is easy? / when this is playing with my heart / how could you walk away so easily, this is tearing me apart.
Little girl, I know that this is hard / but I also know that you, you are so strong / so don’t be afraid to hold your head up high / don’t give any weight to the struggles you pass by / oh I have seen those eyes cry. / and I will be here till the day you die. / so let yourself fall asleep in my arms / dear sister, you were born to carry on.
Well I can see the earth beneath us / but id rather not sink down / any deeper, in our atmosphere of sound / your voice and your song and my voice and our song / if we never stop smiling in this world we’ll belong. / oh the music, in my heart it resounds / with you, I’ll never return to the ground. You hold my breath with your sweet voice / you are the wings that have let me soar / and in all the noise, somehow silently we rejoice / at the mellifluous quiet of our simple perfect choice.
Get over your inhibitions, with every chord i play / here’s your open window, now im trying to forgive / I’ll push you out, ‘cause you know what they say: / everyone dies but not everybody lives
June
Lyrics written back in June.
Trapped
The walls are closing in / claustrophobic in my own skin / theres no one holding me back but me / but I won’t break down my own walls just to see / I cant let the cold get in, but I’m the one made of ice / I’m digging my own grave with my life / I’m twisted inside with my self-imposed contradictions / about to burst from the wars fought within / so who will free my imprisoned pain / when you’re the only one with a key to the chains?
Im sick of writing songs for you / pointless words, what can they do? / I’ve always known it, but why did I / pretend it wouldn’t hurt to die
Still helpless to your carefree smile / while you are free, soaring miles and miles / away from the cage where ive locked myself in / only you had the key, now ill never fly again
I suppose this would be prettier / if I was able to walk away / but cant you see what you’ve done to me? / I’m paralyzed, no choice but to stay / you have left me crippled and that is my own fault / but now I have to, yet I can’t, simply stand and walk.
You can’t make the world go away / just by closing your eyes / sooner or later you’ll have to awake, and / open or closed they still cry. One day when the rain is done, and we can finally see the sun / it’ll dry your eyes so you can see / that you and I were never floating / even drowning wasn’t enough / and in your tears we have sunk.
Every chord I play, every note I write, is just another stab in my chest / the one thing I treasured most I have come to detest /its been you’re fault all along / cause I hate this song.
May
Lyrics written back in May.
Time can make more rubble out of dreams than anything / in a quiet neighborhood where she's living without wings / there's eyes behind the curtains and there's ears below the floor / cracks inside the ceiling and there's shadows at the door / how much would you give, oh how much would you pay / for just a few minutes back / of that perfect day / cause now the shattered windows are the barrier, between me and you/ that you fought for, but now you can’t live through / now I can’t live through / us / but lucky for you and lucky for me / the heart forgets so easily.
Sun beating down, an unfriendly reminder / that the snow has retired / with its snowflake tears / summer is here / but you aren’t. The emptiness between us is fuller than the sea / thousands of floating memories / you let yourself sink in this ocean of blood / how much longer until there’s a flood?
It’s crazy, it’s not fair/ that I’m still believing / its not a safe place to put my care / but I can’t help this feeling / it’s off-limits I won’t allow / myself to fall back in this trap, no way / actors, take a bow / because this is just an elaborate play / tell me my involuntary smile means nothing / push me away so I’ll escape this something / these fresh lies could almost be true / but i will not allow myself to love you.
Second guessing, confused of my feelings / but even so it’s my heart you are stealing / I’d rather just play it safe / can’t be too careful, isn’t that what they say? / Cautious from a distance / I want to resist this / I’d love to love you so riskless and carefree / but that won’t work out so long as you’re not with me / cause I’ll always be scared like this / knowing everything is so hit-or-miss / because more likely than not / ill miss my only shot.
There’s nothing that comes between us / but it feels like everything / theres nothing keeping us apart / but the walls I’m imagining.
Isolated patch of roses / suffocated by the thorns / surrounded by all the noises / loud enough to wish for something more / my headphones are my only sympathy / to drown it out so endlessly / when the angry voices are here to stay / I’ll just sing the world away.
We’ve slowly rebuilt this house, after its destruction / but arson is a crime that isn’t soon forgotten / We scream and we blame / it’s a sick endless game / blinding tears make it so hard to see / have we forgotten the rules of fire safety? / oh its happened before and we didn’t look back / but here we are again and the ropes are going slack / how much farther can we go, so put to the test? / we’re all pulling different ways, now I’ve come to detest / how one single spark burns a house to the ground / too much smoke, can’t everyone slow down? / harsh words spoken out of turn / wish we could take back this fire that will burn / so much to ashes, I wish I could take back / the second that someone decided to light the match.
Bittersweet goodbyes / leaving, but not for the last time / an empty expanse of carefree days / that pull us farther and farther away
April
Lyrics written in April.
we’re in between, a seasonal gap / almost summer and still looking back / multicolor feelings, now the dancefloor is spinning / run away so they won’t see my resolve thinning
you color my gray monotony / you don’t need their eyes to see / smile for their hot-air-balloon pride/ cause you know enough to take your own side
you’re the answer to my question / but still I’ll always come in second / her warped question mark winds between / so you’ll never solve this mystery / enough is enough but it’s all in your head / when you can’t take anymore remember what you said: / you’re the answer / to every question / make me wish / we still had those seconds / to be, just be / surely you can see / it through my eyes, I’m mixed up by your prize, stand closer but move further, you could never, never, never be mine… but you’ve been asking the wrong question your whole life.
the sun is shining just because it can/ the sky, the brightest kind of cyan / and now the world is prettier when it’s filled with the sounds / of your music and your heart as it pounds / because love is in the air / but is there any left to share? / first there was us and then there was none / will I ever be the only one for anyone
?
Bad Weather
you're a raindrop in the desert sky, you're a snowflake in the heat of july / you're out of place, you don't make sense, hiding behind your flawed pretense / cluttered feelings and bad choices made, losing yourself in your twisted masquerade / make up your mind boy you keep messing up / get over yourself cause enough is enough. You have your problems / but so do we all / there is no excuse / for the way that you fall / you could make this better, this rainy day couldn’t get any wetter / where has your heart escaped? / soon your thunderstorm / is going to blow you away.
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